Have you ever felt this ?.........

Have you ever felt this,
You Think you got people really understand you ?

There is many times, that you said something or did something,
and YOU THINK you certainly not mean anything by then,
and YOU THINK other people certainly understands you,
In fact, you are WRONG.

Have you ever felt this,
You actually mean nothing to other people !

Couple times,
You got calls or messages, people totally skip greetings and names of you, and straight go looking for others.
You think you are sweet to people, and you expect they will do same thing to you,
but you find out that no one give you a shit.

Have you ever felt this ?

Jui-Ling
2/27/0

White Christmas?

It keeps snowing for two days alreaday,
Does that mean,
We are going to have a White Christmas ?
I don't know;
Living in Albuquerque is not easy to have the chance.
Here, Always shining and bright,
No matter summer or winter, it's the same.
The only difference between seasons is the temparature.
It's kind of different from the weather I like, kind of disobey my personality.
Maybe that's part of the reason I don't like this city that much.
The school is in winter break,
I was working freaking hard this semester,
The more I involved with this school, the more disappointed I am.
Most of the people here doesn't really care about learning music,
Most of the people doesn't care to work out some really nice music,
Maybe it's time to start thinking more about yourself instead of trying to help people here,
You are not that strong, there is no chance that you can change the situation.
(Sigh) .........
Hope,
We are going to have a White Christmas this year ........


Jui-Ling
12/20/06

Things changed, and I have no clue.

Today is Thursday, kids stay with us.
I've been out whole day long, when I got home, it's past 9 pm already.
Since I stepped in our home, the older kid never said a word to me ;
He was just playing the computer, went upstairs, and giving a shit face to me, even to his dad.
I am really curious:
WHO made the decision about what kind of kids we have ? WHO made this pick ?
I remember when I was a kid, our elders always told us to respect people, especially those who older than you.
I was taught to be considerate about others, to be patient with people, and of course, to be nice to everyone.
Since when,
Things changed, and I have no clue ?!
Last weekend, kids stayed with us. The older kid was slaming the door, arguing with us,
even said something really ironic to us.
He did this just because we did't agree him to download a webgame.
Since when,
we have to OBEY everything our kids said ?
Since when,
we have to SATISFY with whatever they want ?
Once I remember I saw a sticker behind a car, it says:
My child treats me as an ATM machine.
It's very cruel, but,
I think it's a FACT.
Because it's getting harder to find a Real relationship, no matter where.

Jui-Ling
11/16/06

Do You Miss Home ?

A few weeks ago, when I talked to my teacher, she asked:
Do you miss home?
I told her, "well, I am really busy recently, and I don't think I do have the time to miss it." Then I laughed, and we kept talking about something else.

Do I miss home?
I am not sure if I can answer this question. I think the biggest question I have for this phrase is: Where is my "home"?
I always have a strong desire in the very deep of my heart,
in that very place,
it's really hard to be filled with anything.
I always feel unsatisfied, unsafe, and unsure.
I think that's probably why,
Sometimes I am really sensitive, defensive, bad mood, and untouchable.
Because my heart doesn't know where to rest completely ..........
Because I don't know where is the home for my heart.........

Do I miss home?
I still don't have time or reason to think about that yet ......


Jui-Ling
10/28/06

VALUE .....

I got a chance to play for someone really good yesterday,
Everything went smoothly until we talked about the payment;
Apparently, we had a very different thought
as payer and pay-receiver, as soloist and accompanist.
For me, every performance is an unique chance and an important show,
and I devote the same effort to them;
I don't treat them different just because it's a concert music, not a recital or competition.
But for the payer,
they feel they don't need to pay that much,
because it's only a short performance; so they REFUSE to pay the same price.
So,
Does that mean I don't have to do the preparation really well since it's SHORT?
...
...
When everyone's effort and devotation is only valued by money,
do we still have the inspiration ?
do we still want to push ourself to advanced level?
or,
we are going to go with the flow?

Jui-Ling
9/18/06

I want to do SOMETHING -------

I want to do something, something I know it's really not good for me.
I want to do something, something I know some people may not like it.
I want to do something, something I am used to do.
I want to do something, something makes me relaxed and freer.

I want to do that thing so badly -------
I really want to do something ---------

Jui-Ling
8/27/06

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

Today is Father's Day in Taiwan, it's different from here.
I called my father who is way acoss the Pacific Sea,
and he sounded really surprised and pleased with my calling,
So did I.
I hardly have chances to get along with my father, to have a chat with him.
My mom said we two are too alike,
stubborn, unpatient, bad temper, and not following others' rules.
I remember when I was little, I always had fight with him with silliest things.
Time passes us by,
Now he is getting old, so am I.
After all these years,
After all the things I experienced and all the life I have,
I realized that I really love him.
Maybe it's called the "BLOOD".
This is the thing you can's change.

Happy Father's Day!


Jui-Ling
8/8/06